Oct 17, 2022 | Community, Family, Grief, Parent
Jena Kirkpatrick with her son, Ellis McClane.
Jena Kirkpatrick was hesitant to visit a medium after experiencing the death of her 19-year-old son, Ellis McClane, who died in a car accident in 2011. But five years after her loss, Jena decided to take a chance and scheduled an appointment.
“That’s something everyone wants for the people who have passed — to talk to them again,” says Kirkpatrick, who also works at Evermore coordinating communications and outreach.
However, Jena felt uncomfortable during her reading. She was keen to the medium’s overly zealous attempts to know her son, and she struggled to make connections between the medium’s messages and her personal experiences. At one point, the medium told her Ellis had become frustrated because she wasn’t catching the references in the messages he was sharing.
“It hurt my feelings,” says Kirkpatrick. “I let myself be vulnerable in the situation, and then I felt a little pissed off that the medium hurt my feelings because I didn’t understand his message. … I just wanted to hear that my kid loves me and he’s okay.”
Psychic mediums claim they can receive messages from the spirits of people who’ve passed on and can act as channels between those who have died and their surviving loved ones. This is why psychic mediums can be an attractive choice to aid in the grieving process. However, every psychic reading is a unique experience — some leave grieving loved ones in more pain and distress, while others provide a deep sense of spiritual connection.
For her part, Kirkpatrick was undeterred by her disappointing experience and decided to reach out to another medium, this time a friend who was beginning to share her clairvoyant gifts with others. To Kirkpatrick’s utter delight, this reading experience was much different.
“We did a couple of readings, and they were phenomenal,” says Jena. “It was much more positive. I felt like she was a lot more kind and empathetic and really took [the reading] in this beautiful and spiritual way.”
It was in this reading Jena finally received the message she had been yearning for — her son is always with her. Jena already had a strong sense that she was receiving messages from Ellis — she sees him in her dreams and often encounters butterflies while in nature — but now she had more reason to believe she really was hearing from her son regularly, in various ways.
“He said, ‘I can always be with you because I’m everywhere, Mom,’” says Jena. “I am always watching out for you, and when you hear me talking to you, it truly is what I’m saying.”
The permanency of losing a loved one can be one of the most perplexing parts of coping with death. It can be unfathomable to accept that you will never speak with your loved one again. This may be one reason why so many people choose to work with mediums after experiencing the death of a loved one, as suggested by research.
A 2012 study found that grieving parents reported finding support groups and psychics as the most helpful coping methods in their grief. The same study also found that about 30 percent of grieving parents received a reading from a psychic within the first four years of their child’s death.
Furthermore, a 2014 study revealed that grieving people experienced less intense grief after a psychic reading when compared to a visit with a mental health professional.
The Szewcyzk family.
Barbara and Walt Szewcyzk visited multiple psychic mediums for readings following the death of their son, Alex Szewcyzk. Alex died by suicide five years ago in their home after years of struggling with his mental health and alcohol use.
Almost immediately after his death, Barbara began to feel as though Alex was still communicating with the family. As they gathered around the kitchen table to discuss funeral arrangements along with Walt’s sister, Barbara suddenly got the feeling that Alex was not a fan of the lavish service they were putting together. Moments later, Walt’s sister’s phone began randomly playing the popular ballad, “Hello” by Adele, even after being turned off.
Barbara took this as a sign from Alex, and soon after, she decided to see a psychic medium.
“I got there, and she started talking about Alex,” says Barbara. “She described his death, and she wouldn’t have known, she couldn’t have known. She gave me a lot of insight and I left there [feeling] pretty comforted.”
Barbara was able to find the confirmation she had been looking for — that Alex was always around her, watching over her.
As she watched her husband struggle with the death of their son, and in an attempt to aid her family through their grieving process, Barbara encouraged Walt to speak with the same medium that provided her initial reading. Walt told Barbara he would trust her, and she booked him an appointment.
“He said to me, ‘I just wish Alex had given me a letter. I just wish he had explained to me what was going on,’” Barbara says of a conversation she had with her husband shortly before his visit with the medium.
Much like Jena Kirkpatrick, Walt had his reservations. His religious upbringing and scientific training made him question the legitimacy of psychic readings. He also worried about the medium’s credibility and authenticity. But after finding himself lost after the death of his son, Walt decided to be open to the possibilities.
During his reading, the medium presented Walt with a letter written with words she channeled from Alex — the letter Walt had always wished he had received from his son after his passing.
“The experience with the medium blew my mind,” says Walt. “I felt wonderful after I left [the appointment]. It reinforced that something is here, and that led me to an organization called DOPS.”
DOPS, or the Division of Perceptual Studies at the University of Virginia, is a “university-based research group devoted to the investigation of phenomena that challenge mainstream scientific paradigms regarding the nature of human consciousness,” according to their website. The research team at DOPS seeks to explore human experiences that may provide evidence that consciousness does survive a bodily death.
“When you tie that in — science with real life experience — you really find that there is something there,” says Walt. “Life does exist and there is a realm around us that we can’t see because of our physical limitations.”
To others curious about whether they should see a medium to connect with a loved one who’s passed on, Walt suggests really looking into the messages that the medium provides, not forcing yourself to make connections where they don’t exist, and being open to a new reality that may call into question your current convictions.
“These mediums — the genuine ones that can bridge that gap — can provide not just healing for those who are grieving, but a renewal of an individual’s consciousness and help them grow,” says Walt. “My grief has been transformed into an energy that drives me to be a better human being. One that I think is truly rooted in the message of Christ.”
Yanie Brewer is a psychic who visits with hundreds of people like Walt and Barbara as part of her work. She says she’s been able to see and hear the spiritual world since birth. At the age of three, Yanie was nearly legally blind. As a result, she could see more of the spiritual world than her own earthly reality. As she got older, it seemed only natural that she uses her intuitive gifts to help others.
“It’s very healing because, on the other side, people only tell the truth,” says Brewer. “It can be very healing for people to understand that their loved ones still have life on the other side.”
Yanie advises people not to let one “bad reading” ruin the opportunity to connect with a loved one. Andrew Witt, who also works as a psychic agrees, and recommends that people seek out multiple readers to find someone they can connect with.
Witt also stated that the quality of a reading can largely depend on the beliefs, expectations, and openness of those seeking answers. He added that it’s also important to work with the medium during the reading to get confirmation that the connection is happening with the spirit of the intended person.
“Nothing that comes from spirits is judgmental,” says Witt. “[The messages] are always very respectful and always very empowering. If [the reading] doesn’t meet those criteria, then that’s something that’s not the real deal.”
Working with a medium after the death of a loved one is a personal choice — one that should only be made when it feels right for you, and if you feel ready to try the experience. If you know friends who’ve worked with mediums, you might first ask them to refer you to someone they’ve had a positive experience with.
Before scheduling an appointment, check out the medium’s website or social media presence to explore whether you feel connected to the person. When you identify a medium that feels like a good match, go in with an open mind and heart.
Oct 4, 2022 | Advocacy, Data Collection, Family, FMLA, Research
As many as half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Even though 87 percent of women have experienced a miscarriage while employed, an alarming number of women aren’t aware that the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) allows for time off from work after a miscarriage and stillbirth.
These were the findings from a survey conducted by InHerSight in partnership with Evermore. InHerSight uses data to help women find employers and companies that support women’s goals and needs. This survey, conducted earlier this year, included 1,300 women, with the goal of assessing their awareness of their right to time off work under FMLA after experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth.
Survey results were striking, with 77 percent of respondents indicating they were unaware they had access to this protection. Sixty-six percent of these women reported that they hadn’t been informed by their employer of their legal rights regarding leave under FMLA, which guarantees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave if the employee is unable to work because of his or her own “serious health condition.”
While miscarriage and stillbirth are not specifically included in the definition of “serious health condition” in FMLA, Department of Labor statements and other legislative documents indicate miscarriage is covered by the policy. A woman whose pregnancy ends in miscarriage should be able to use FMLA leave if she’s unable to work due to physical recovery or emotional distress.
Even so, 91 percent of women who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth while employed reported taking no days off work to recover. Ninety-eight percent of the women surveyed reported not filing for leave under FMLA after experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth. [Read more about InHerSight’s findings here.]
“Knowing federal leave benefits should not be the responsibility of a newly grieving woman or family. Employers have a tremendous opportunity to provide a supportive workplace environment by ensuring that women are aware of their rights.”
As Evermore seeks to learn more about the realities of bereavement in the United States, and the impact of those realities, partners like InHerSight play a crucial role in gathering data and identifying areas in need of policy change and community support. Evermore partnered with InHerSight for this survey because of the company’s dedication to women employees and their benefits and well-being in the workplace.
“Partners like InHerSight are critical in facilitating transformational social policy,” Mulheron says. “Bereavement is ubiquitous. Understanding the impact, collecting data on the family’s perspective, and then shining a spotlight on those experiences requires leadership. We are grateful to InHerSight and others who are advancing bereavement care in America.”
The findings from this survey indicate how important it is for workplaces to provide effective education and communication that cultivates a supportive environment for employees experiencing bereavement. At Evermore, we believe it is crucial that employers take greater initiative to inform their employees of the benefits and protections available to them.
Benefits should be communicated through employee handbooks, during onboarding and orientation trainings, and throughout the duration of a worker’s employment. When the time comes for employees to exercise their benefits, employers should be prepared to guide them through the process and direct them to human resources (HR) for further assistance.
Employers must also work hard to create a culture in which people can bring personal and emotionally challenging issues to their directors, managers, and HR personnel. To further support an inclusive workplace culture, Evermore also recommends that employers institute five days of paid bereavement leave for all employees.
“According to the Department of Labor, only 56 percent of America’s workforce qualifies for FMLA benefits,” Mulheron says. “That leaves millions of women working in the gig economy, in small employers, or as solopreneurs who have no benefit at all.”
In 2021, Senator Tammy Duckworth (D-IL) and Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley (D-MA) introduced legislation that aims to raise awareness about pregnancy loss and provide paid leave benefits for workers experiencing the pain of a miscarriage or stillbirth. The Support Through Loss Act supports bereaved workers by increasing access to workplace supports and access to resources and adequate care.
“Pregnancy loss should be met with care, compassion, and support. It is a common experience, but many struggle in silence due to the lack of awareness and cultural stigma,” says Pressley in a press release detailing the legislation. “Our bill sends a message to families that they are not alone.”
It is also imperative that employees know how to advocate for themselves in order to access the benefits available to them. If you are unaware of the benefits at your workplace, ask your manager or an HR representative to guide you through company policy. Evermore encourages readers to communicate their knowledge with coworkers, improve awareness in the workplace, and work together to create a workplace where benefits are a continuous topic of conversation.
Sep 26, 2022 | Advocacy, Data Collection, Research
Earlier this month, Evermore hosted a conversation with Toni Miles, M.D., Ph.D., a grief and bereavement researcher in Georgia and Morehouse School of Medicine adjunct professor, to discuss the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS) — a health-related survey of adults that measures certain behaviors, such as seatbelt use, smoking, and substance use. [Watch the full conversation here.]
While the BRFSS asks a number of questions about physical and mental health, one thing it doesn’t measure is adult experiences with the death of loved ones and family members. “We count dead people, but we do not count the people who are left behind,” says Miles. “We can’t see bereavement because we don’t count it.”
In a quest to discover the population health effects of death in her home state, Miles conducted a field study in 2019 that piloted three bereavement exposure questions in Georgia’s BRFSS.
As part of her study, Miles asked participants if: 1) they had experienced a death event in the past two years, 2) how many deaths they had experienced, and 3) their relationship to the individual who was lost. The data she collected was striking. [/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https:///www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRi8AUTzTyo”][vc_column_text]Miles’ work found that, pre-COVID, 45 percent of Georgia adults surveyed had experienced death in the previous two years — with 400,000 people experiencing two or more deaths in that time period. Extrapolating these findings to the overall state population, Miles estimates that 3.7 million adults, out of Georgia’s 8.1 million residents, were recently bereaved.
The survey also revealed a disproportionate burden on African Americans in Georgia, with 58 percent of respondents reporting the death of a loved one.
The survivors of these death events are, themselves, at risk for poor physical health outcomes, premature death, and other adverse consequences that can alter their life course. Miles’ work found that Georgia adults experiencing a family death were at a higher risk of mental health problems, an undermined capacity to work, and binge drinking.
Distinguished researcher and bereavement expert Dr. Toni Miles
“We always talk anecdotally about how bereavement makes people sick — so and so died of a broken heart — but you don’t have the data to make that connection,” says Miles. “BRFSS allows us to make that connection.”
Evermore hopes that more states will add these three bereavement exposure questions to their BRFSS population research because collecting data on bereaved residents could help Americans understand the associated impacts of bereavement and inform and bolster policy on bereavement care.
In 2021, Evermore leveraged Miles’ work, using the U.S. budget process as a catalyst to advance bereavement epidemiology in the BRFSS (read Evermore’s testimony to the Senate Health Appropriations Subcommittee here). Evermore created this avenue by successfully advocating for appropriations language to the U.S. budget that works to standardize the CDC’s measurement of the three bereavement exposure questions. However, implementation of these provisions is not guaranteed.
This is why it is crucial for Americans to voice their position on this issue. Anyone can contact the BRFSS coordinator in their state to advocate for the inclusion of these three questions in future iterations of their state’s survey. If more states begin to adopt and ask these questions, the CDC is more likely to implement them nationwide.
We encourage readers to identify their local coordinator, call them, and explain why these questions are crucial to bereavement care. This is a universal issue — one that disproportionately impacts communities of color — and now is the time for action.
Sep 13, 2022 | Family, Grief, Research
Experiencing the death of a loved one can be one of the most traumatic and painful experiences someone can face in life. Such losses can be overwhelming, resulting in intense and difficult emotions of sadness, emptiness, shock, and despair.
The bereavement process that conjoins grief — the handling of a loved one’s affairs, the navigation of various systems (medical, law enforcement, government benefits, health care) — only adds to the mental distress many families experiences. [Read about the difference between grief and bereavement.]
But grief and bereavement are far more than emotional or mental health experiences. Both processes, bereavement in particular, also have material and practical impacts that can profoundly affect the quality of life — and lifespan — of someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse, parent, child, or sibling.
“The unexpected death of a loved one poses a dual threat to our national well-being. Before the COVID-19 pandemic, Americans reported unexpected deaths to be among the most common major life stressors and the single worst experience of their entire life,” says Evermore founder Joyal Mulheron. “Losing a loved one is not only a personal tragedy, but it casts a long shadow that can extend for decades because it places surviving parents, children, siblings, and spouses at significant risk for impaired health, premature death, and other disadvantages.”
We know that individuals who lose a family member, in particular, are at higher risk of premature death as a result of their loss (when compared to non-bereaved people). This is a medical outcome — not merely a mental health outcome — and one that can and should be prevented.
In a recent study from David Weaver of the University of South Carolina, it was concluded that in the United States today, an estimated two million children under the age of 18 have a mother or father who has died. Other rigorous population-level studies have found that when compared to non-bereaved children, bereaved children experience lower self-esteem, heightened risk of depression, suicide attempts, suicide, and premature death due to any cause.
We know that bereavement is also associated with decreased academic attainment, increased violence and crime, incarceration, self-harm, suicide attempts and completions, and with substance abuse and psychiatric disorders. So, while bereavement does cause mental distress, it also becomes the precipitating event for other emergencies that decrease the health, social, and economic well-being of an individual.
Findings from a research study conducted by Jason Fletcher of Yale University and Marsha Mailick, Jieun Song, and Barbara Wolfe of the University of Wisconsin–Madison concluded that females who have lost a sibling are at increased risk of completing fewer years of school, dropping out of high school, becoming pregnant as a teen, not attending college, and have an average reduction in income of 20 percent.
Bereavement magnifies existing racial inequities. For example, the Indian Health Service reports that American Indians and Alaskan Natives born today will live 5.5 years less than other racial groups in U.S. As a result, families will experience these deaths earlier in life and encounter associated hardships, only compounding and multiplying the impact of bereavement.
Black Americans are also disproportionately impacted by the premature deaths of loved ones. Across the life course, they are three times as likely as White Americans to have two or more family members die by the time they reach the age of 30 — making these communities more vulnerable to negative social and health outcomes for the rest of their lives.
The systems surrounding a grieving and bereaved family should be oriented toward preventing the onset of addiction, disease, or even death for surviving family members, but also preventing other associated health and social outcomes.
Let’s consider the real-world implications of just a single death…
When Alex — a husband, father, and sole income-earner in the family — passes away as the result of an accident, his spouse Bianca is immediately confronted with a slew of practical considerations.
She must make and pay for funeral arrangements, but she no longer has the support of Alex’s income. She’s also on the verge of losing the health care provided by Alex’s employer — for her and her eight-year-old daughter.
Bianca now needs to find a job — while grieving — but may have to work evenings and miss the end of the school day for her eight-year-old daughter Marcella, who is in a state of shock, confusion, and trauma after learning her father won’t be coming home.
Moreover, Marcella doesn’t want to get out of bed, is missing school, and her grades are beginning to decline, for the first time since she started school.
Without Alex’s income, suddenly housing, food, transportation, and health care are all on the line — all at once. This is more than grief. This is a family catastrophe.
This is why people don’t only need support with the emotional side of loss, they also need social and practical support in continuing to live their lives — to pay bills, go to work, provide child care, seek appropriate benefits, navigate burial and funeral plans, and so on.
As a society, we need to change and create policies so children and families can better cope with the instability they face in the aftermath of a death. These policies should be based on quality research and data [see our Facts & Figures] and provide economic support, access to quality health care, and meaningful community support programs for all children and families.
We cannot only attend to families alone, however. We must provide education and resources for our frontline responders who attend to families in the aftermath of a death. This includes first responders — paramedics, firefighters, or law enforcement — employers, clergy, or schools. We need to equip our community leaders with the tools to help stabilize children and families.
This is why our work is centered around advocacy — to The White House and the U.S. Congress. And why we work to educate as many people as possible about the real and numerous impacts grieving and bereaved people experience in this country. And this is why your voice matters too. Join our advocacy network in advancing bereavement care for all.
Resources & Related Reading
Bereavement Facts & Figures
Why is our nation so far behind in grief and bereavement services and policies?
Just How Many People in America Have Lost a Loved One?
The epidemiology of traumatic event exposure worldwide: results from the World Mental Health
Survey Consortium, Benjet et al, 2016.
Parental Mortality and Outcomes among Minor and Adult Children, David Weaver, November 2019
A Sibling Death in the Family: Common and Consequential, Fletcher et al, January 2015.
Sep 6, 2022 | COVID, Data Collection, Federal Government, Grief, Research
Just How Many People In America Have Lost A Loved One?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is one of the nation’s most-trusted, science-based sources of data on public health in the United States. For more than 70 years, this government agency has been monitoring the nation’s health landscape and providing guidance to the public on how to prevent and respond to health threats. It collects myraids of data on national health trends, including mortality rates related to homicide, suicide, substance misuse, maternal mortality, accidents, and more. Yet, while it collects how we die, it does not collect who survives these deaths and what the implications are.
With concurrent mortality epidemics touching every neighborhood in America, millions of people have experienced the death of a family or friend, but exactly how many people are impacted? We don’t know. What adverse outcomes do people experience in the aftermath of death? We have to look to academia or to other international registries to better understand the ramifications of losing someone meaningful.
“We all know the saying, ‘what gets measured, gets done,’” says Evermore founder Joyal Mulheron. “Bereavement is a public health concern hiding in plain sight simply because we are not measuring the scale or impact that losing loved ones has on our society.”
For example, to understand how many people have been impacted by COVID-19, we can look at the findings from a research study conducted by Ashton Verdery of Pennsylvania State University, Emily Smith-Greenaway of the University of California at Los Angeles, and Rachel Margolis of the University of Western Ontario. They find that for every one COVID-19 death, approximately nine survivors were impacted by the loss of a grandparent, parent, sibling, spouse, or child. But the study’s authors suggest that this is actually a significant underestimate, and likely more individuals are impacted, on average, by a single death. We also know that family survivors are more at risk for poor physical health outcomes, premature death, and other adverse consequences that can alter their life course.
For COVID-19 alone, more than 9 million individuals lost a loved one to COVID-19, including an estimated 78,000 children who lost a parent. This indicates that a significant portion of the population has been impacted by not only loss and grief, but in many cases by the loss of income and health care benefits (if the deceased individual contributed to household earnings and held a job with insurance). This is why we need sound data collection — to provide a clear picture of the impact in order to shape a federal response.
In order to develop sound policies and practices for supporting loved ones after a death event, our nation requires consistent and reliable data on the prevalence and consequences of death and bereavement. We need to know how many people are impacted by different types of death epidemics so we can see a more accurate picture of the true impact.
“When we lose someone meaningful in our life, it can irrevocably alter our health and our social and economic stability for years, decades, and in some cases, impact our well-being for the rest of our lives,” says Mulheron. “The more we know, the more we can help children and families.”
Collecting statistics on bereaved children, parents, siblings, and spouses could help Americans better understand the associated outcomes and impacts, such as housing and food insecurity, health care coverage loss, educational hardship, incarceration, substance use, suicide attempts, and premature death. These statistics are also crucial in helping us better understand what can be done to support bereaved people.
TONI P. MILES, MD, PHD
In 2021, Evermore made legislative strides, using the U.S. budget process as a vehicle to advance CDC data collection. Using work piloted by Toni Miles, M.D., PhD, formerly of the University of Georgia, Evermore advocated for the inclusion of bereavement epidemiology in CDC’s Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance Survey (BRFSS). BRFSS is the nation’s premier survey tool to collect data from 400,000 adults living in the 50 states, the District of Columbia, and three U.S. territories. It is the largest continuously conducted health survey in the world.
Dr. Miles’ work preceded the COVID-19 pandemic, but found that 45 percent of Georgians — or 3.7 million Georgian residents — were bereaved in the last two years. She found that bereavement disproportionately impacts African American families with 58 percent reporting a recent loss.
“Dr. Miles’ work is very important because it enables policymakers to narrow and focus solutions to help bereaved families,” says Mulheron. “For example, Dr. Miles’ preliminary evidence found that 53 percent of those with a recent loss were out of work. This demonstrates the need for more compassionate employer policies, but also the need for Congress to add death of a loved one as a qualifying event to the Family Medical Leave Act.”
Ultimately, the budget provision passed Congress, but with no funding for CDC to include bereavement as a measurement on BRFSS. In budgetary legislative language, Congress is encouraging CDC to collect bereavement data, but it is an unfunded mandate that CDC is not obligated to follow.
“Still, this is a legislative victory and CDC is beginning to pay attention to bereavement and its impact,” says Mulheron. “As a nation we are beginning to recognize that death is not simply a mental health issue. It creates vast uncertainty for an individual’s health, social, and economic well-being. We will continue to fight for America’s families. It’ll take time, but we will get there.”
Additional resources
Tracking the reach of COVID-19 kin loss with a bereavement multiplier applied to the United States, Ashton Verdery, PhD, Emily Smith-Greenaway, PhD, Rachel Margolis, PhD
Estimates and Projections of COVID-19 and Parental Death in the US, Rachel Kidman, PhD, Rachel Margolis, PhD, Ashton Verdery, PhD, Emily Smith-Greenaway, PhD
Evermore’s Bereavement Facts & Figures
