Sep 13, 2022 | Family, Grief, Research
Experiencing the death of a loved one can be one of the most traumatic and painful experiences someone can face in life. Such losses can be overwhelming, resulting in intense and difficult emotions of sadness, emptiness, shock, and despair.
The bereavement process that conjoins grief — the handling of a loved one’s affairs, the navigation of various systems (medical, law enforcement, government benefits, health care) — only adds to the mental distress many families experiences. [Read about the difference between grief and bereavement.]
But grief and bereavement are far more than emotional or mental health experiences. Both processes, bereavement in particular, also have material and practical impacts that can profoundly affect the quality of life — and lifespan — of someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse, parent, child, or sibling.
“The unexpected death of a loved one poses a dual threat to our national well-being. Before the COVID-19 pandemic, Americans reported unexpected deaths to be among the most common major life stressors and the single worst experience of their entire life,” says Evermore founder Joyal Mulheron. “Losing a loved one is not only a personal tragedy, but it casts a long shadow that can extend for decades because it places surviving parents, children, siblings, and spouses at significant risk for impaired health, premature death, and other disadvantages.”
We know that individuals who lose a family member, in particular, are at higher risk of premature death as a result of their loss (when compared to non-bereaved people). This is a medical outcome — not merely a mental health outcome — and one that can and should be prevented.
In a recent study from David Weaver of the University of South Carolina, it was concluded that in the United States today, an estimated two million children under the age of 18 have a mother or father who has died. Other rigorous population-level studies have found that when compared to non-bereaved children, bereaved children experience lower self-esteem, heightened risk of depression, suicide attempts, suicide, and premature death due to any cause.
We know that bereavement is also associated with decreased academic attainment, increased violence and crime, incarceration, self-harm, suicide attempts and completions, and with substance abuse and psychiatric disorders. So, while bereavement does cause mental distress, it also becomes the precipitating event for other emergencies that decrease the health, social, and economic well-being of an individual.
Findings from a research study conducted by Jason Fletcher of Yale University and Marsha Mailick, Jieun Song, and Barbara Wolfe of the University of Wisconsin–Madison concluded that females who have lost a sibling are at increased risk of completing fewer years of school, dropping out of high school, becoming pregnant as a teen, not attending college, and have an average reduction in income of 20 percent.
Bereavement magnifies existing racial inequities. For example, the Indian Health Service reports that American Indians and Alaskan Natives born today will live 5.5 years less than other racial groups in U.S. As a result, families will experience these deaths earlier in life and encounter associated hardships, only compounding and multiplying the impact of bereavement.
Black Americans are also disproportionately impacted by the premature deaths of loved ones. Across the life course, they are three times as likely as White Americans to have two or more family members die by the time they reach the age of 30 — making these communities more vulnerable to negative social and health outcomes for the rest of their lives.
The systems surrounding a grieving and bereaved family should be oriented toward preventing the onset of addiction, disease, or even death for surviving family members, but also preventing other associated health and social outcomes.
Let’s consider the real-world implications of just a single death…
When Alex — a husband, father, and sole income-earner in the family — passes away as the result of an accident, his spouse Bianca is immediately confronted with a slew of practical considerations.
She must make and pay for funeral arrangements, but she no longer has the support of Alex’s income. She’s also on the verge of losing the health care provided by Alex’s employer — for her and her eight-year-old daughter.
Bianca now needs to find a job — while grieving — but may have to work evenings and miss the end of the school day for her eight-year-old daughter Marcella, who is in a state of shock, confusion, and trauma after learning her father won’t be coming home.
Moreover, Marcella doesn’t want to get out of bed, is missing school, and her grades are beginning to decline, for the first time since she started school.
Without Alex’s income, suddenly housing, food, transportation, and health care are all on the line — all at once. This is more than grief. This is a family catastrophe.
This is why people don’t only need support with the emotional side of loss, they also need social and practical support in continuing to live their lives — to pay bills, go to work, provide child care, seek appropriate benefits, navigate burial and funeral plans, and so on.
As a society, we need to change and create policies so children and families can better cope with the instability they face in the aftermath of a death. These policies should be based on quality research and data [see our Facts & Figures] and provide economic support, access to quality health care, and meaningful community support programs for all children and families.
We cannot only attend to families alone, however. We must provide education and resources for our frontline responders who attend to families in the aftermath of a death. This includes first responders — paramedics, firefighters, or law enforcement — employers, clergy, or schools. We need to equip our community leaders with the tools to help stabilize children and families.
This is why our work is centered around advocacy — to The White House and the U.S. Congress. And why we work to educate as many people as possible about the real and numerous impacts grieving and bereaved people experience in this country. And this is why your voice matters too. Join our advocacy network in advancing bereavement care for all.
Resources & Related Reading
Bereavement Facts & Figures
Why is our nation so far behind in grief and bereavement services and policies?
Just How Many People in America Have Lost a Loved One?
The epidemiology of traumatic event exposure worldwide: results from the World Mental Health
Survey Consortium, Benjet et al, 2016.
Parental Mortality and Outcomes among Minor and Adult Children, David Weaver, November 2019
A Sibling Death in the Family: Common and Consequential, Fletcher et al, January 2015.
Aug 30, 2022 | Community, Family, Grief
Why Is Our Nation So Far Behind In Grief and Bereavement Services and Policies?
National Grief Awareness Day — observed annually on August 30 — was created by Angie Cartwright, who’s experienced immense grief in her life after the loss of her baby sister, newlywed husband, and mother. She helped establish this day of awareness in 2014, coinciding with her mother’s birthday, to encourage open and honest communication centering the myriad ways we cope with loss and bereavement, and to remind us all to support the people we know who are grieving.
“Grief is the unique emotional response following the death of someone meaningful in your life,” says Evermore founder Joyal Mulheron. “It’s a term commonly used for anyone grieving a difficult change, like grieving our old lives before Covid.”
Everyone will experience the loss of a loved one at some point in their life, and this loss is seldom easy to accept or process. Each individual will experience grief differently, and unpredictably — it can wax and wane, reemerge at unexpected times, and linger longer than we’d like.
Coinciding with the grief process is bereavement — “the death event and surrounding systems, policies, and interactions that people experience in the aftermath of losing someone,” says Mulheron. “Bereavement includes the interactions a grieving person may have with institutions and people.”
Bereavement and grief are terms that are often used interchangeably, but their meanings are distinct. Although they can work in tandem, they are dealt with differently.
For example, if a mother loses her child, she must not only navigate the emotional toll of her loss, but potentially do so with limited time off of work, because federal policy for bereaved parents only requires two weeks of paid leave for bereaved individuals.
In this way, the feelings of anguish and sorrow that come with grief can make the bereavement process tumultuous, overwhelming, or disorienting. And vice versa. But understanding the difference between grief and bereavement can help people navigate a complex, often difficult coping process.
While the unexpected or untimely death of a loved one is one of the most common traumatic events Americans experience, the journey through these events often remain invisible due to a lack of awareness about how policy decisions and institutional processes impact grief and bereavement.
Researchers and policy-makers have long overlooked questions and statistics around bereavement. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the largest monitor of health and wellness in the US, collects data on mortality events but overlooks the residual impacts — systemic, physical, and emotional — on surviving family and friends after a death event.
Bereavement has so little institutional support behind it, yet people can encounter these system deficiencies almost everywhere — the workplace, law enforcement interactions, the child welfare system, schools, federal benefits, health care, and housing. This neglect has created a public health problem with profound implications for the social and economic well-being of families, communities, and the nation as a whole.
For instance, when a child experiences the premature death of a parent, it can be difficult to find a qualified therapist or suitable in-school counselor. When compared to non-bereaved children, bereaved children experience lower self-esteem, lower grades, and more school failures, along with the heightened risk of depression, suicide, and premature death.
Individuals who are exposed to death at early ages are more vulnerable to negative social and health outcomes for the rest of their lives. These experiences cause greater cumulative disadvantages, induce greater levels of stress, and deplete financial resources.
For Indigenous, Black, and Latino people, and also people experiencing poverty, these deficiencies in our public and private systems have a disproportionate negative effect, creating additional challenges for the nation’s most vulnerable families for years following the loss of a loved one.
At Evermore, we believe bereavement care in America is broken. Which is why we’re committed to shifting policy and bringing more awareness to these issues — and how they impact real families — so that grieving can happen more naturally and loved ones can support when they need it more than ever.
Additional Resources
Aug 18, 2022 | Community, Family, Grief
With Teacher Shortages, Community Programs for Grieving Kids Are More Important Than Ever
With the back to school season in full swing, all of us with students in our homes have probably heard about the critical shortage of teachers. Reports say that our country lacks a whopping 300,000 teachers and support staff.
In an interview with ABC News, Becky Pringle, the president of the National Educators Association, said, “We know that this has been a chronic problem. This is not new. We have been sounding the alarm for almost a decade and a half that we have a crisis in the number of students who are going into the teaching profession and the number of teachers who are leaving it.”
This shortage should come as no surprise though. Pringle raises an important point – our country has placed so many burdens on educators over the years, and with all things, the pandemic has exacerbated the problem.
She said,”The concerns that our educators and parents have raised, which are playing out, [and] played out last year… is that we had to double-up classes.[Also] we had to not necessarily offer the special education services that our special education students need. We knew that there were too many educators who were overwhelmed by the number of students that they were trying to meet the individual needs of, and we don’t have enough substitutes.”
Considering everything that has been forced onto educators’ plates, adding unofficial grief counseling seems likes a bridge too far. Adding more under-resourced tasks to their already hefty workload, is not an approach our country can afford to take. It sets up students to not get the adequate support they need to be academically ready and it puts even more of a burden on the leaders in our classrooms.
When I read articles about the teacher shortage, it makes me commit even more to the work we are undertaking at Evermore – building communities to address the impact of childhood bereavement. We are working to uplift community projects across the country.
Aug 12, 2022 | Community, Family, Grief
The Time Is Now to Invest in Grieving Young People
Recently, NPR covered a fascinating club for teenage students experiencing the death of a parent. The article follows the story of a high school sophomore named Elizabeth, whose father passed from COVID-19 last year. More than anything, this reporting shows that the time is now to invest in community-centered programs for grieving young people and that our approaches should include all children experiencing grief.
Elizabeth George, 15, was a freshman in high school when her father died from Covid-19 last October. Since his death, she has struggled to regain a sense of normalcy. “I have difficulties even going [out] with my friends,” she says. “I just want to sleep at home.”
It’s important to point out that children, unlike adults, have to continue to go to school. There is no pause or time off for them. Sometimes, these children simply fall behind in school and in life because they are often facing compounding instability at home. Some lose their housing, experience food insecurity, loss of health care coverage among other hardships. Children who seek post-secondary education opportunities face enormous academic stressors — like how grades will impact their path to college or how they will pay for it. We believe no child should face these hardships.
Chaterjee continues: “Losing a parent in childhood is the kind of trauma that can change the trajectory of kids’ lives, putting them at risk of having symptoms of anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress and even poor educational outcomes.”
To be frank, this is an understatement and scratches the surface at the impact of childhood bereavement. Childhood bereavement experts have found that when compared to non-bereaved children, bereaved children are at risk of “lower self-esteem, reduced resilience, lower grades and more school failures, heightened risk of depression, suicide attempts, suicide [completions], and premature death due to any cause as a result of their loss, drug abuse, violent crime involvement, youth delinquency, and a greater number of, and more severe, psychiatric difficulties.”
Keanna Tyson holds on to her backpack during a group session at Steve’s Club in Atlantic High School. The Club meets every twice a month to talk about what they are going through.
Saul Martinez for NPR
Please check out the full article and let us know what you think. We have a long way to go to address the needs of bereaved children, but it’s encouraging to know that we are not alone in this fight!
Aug 1, 2022 | Advocacy, Community, Family, Grief, Volunteer
Close the Loophole! – Universal Paid Leave Should Include Bereavement Leave
Due Monday, August 15th!
Earlier this year, you made phone calls, sent emails, called your friend in order to add paid bereavement leave to our nation’s policy conversations. You did it and it was the first time Washington included paid bereavement leave to its paid leave agenda, an amazing accomplishment.
In classic Washington fashion, however, Congress passed a law that provides two weeks of paid leave for the death of a child, but only if you are a federal employee. While it’s a step forward, we believe that all employees deserve the confidence to know that they will not be fired in the aftermath of losing someone they love.
So, what now?
Today, the average American can be fired for not showing up to work the day after their child – or spouse, or domestic partner, or a parent, or a sibling – dies. And, it’s perfectly legal.
We must close this loophole as millions of Americans are grieving the deaths of loved ones. With concurrent mortality epidemics raging across the United States, we must act now to ensure everyday Americans, like me and like you, have the ability to take paid leave following a loss.
For the next two weeks, Congress is accepting stories from parents who have experienced challenges due to the lack of “universal paid leave.”
They need to hear from you NOW!
Here’s how:
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- You can submit one of the following:
- Short video (30 – 90 seconds);mp4 format; filmed horizontally if possible OR
- Photo with caption OR
- Written piece.
- Email your story to shareyourstorywaysmeans@gmail.com. Include your name, what you do for a living and any social media tags.
- Tag them on Facebook and Twitter at:
Then, spread the word! This can only be done by YOU. We must ACT NOW to ensure that everyday grieving Americans aren’t left behind.
Let your voice be heard.
Learn more about how you can share with others and be the change: https:///waysandmeans.house.gov/share-your-story-paid-leave-and-child-care
Nov 19, 2021 | Advocacy, Community, Family, Grief
Grief is a powerful dual-edged emotion that can result in a dull, undulating pain which can be paralyzing and suffocating or, if channeled appropriately, can swell into rage and anger that moves each of us — or societies — to do things that once seemed impossible. Such collective grief, outrage and injustice sparked the “fierce urgency of Now” movement against gradualism decades ago and, I believe, resulted in the election of President Barack Obama, our nation’s first Black president more than forty years later.
Today, we are in another unique, but tenuous moment that has the potential to move our nation toward unity as the verdict from the deaths of Messrs. Joseph Rosenbaum and Anthony Huber was announced, and another verdict for the death of Mr. Ahmaud Arbery hangs in the balance. How we respond in this moment — to our neighbors, in our communities and to our fellow Americans — can make all the difference in a united future. Indeed, future generations and our children will reflect on this moment and judge how we responded to these tragedies and to our fellow Americans.
However, it is not incumbent on us alone to repair this nation. Our nation’s leadership must respond to these crises with the same “fierce urgency of Now” that was required many years ago. Today, the Build Back Better Act passed the U.S. House of Representatives, our nation’s leaders beamed as they touted the “honor of passing legislation for the people.” But these are the very same leaders who stripped job and wage protections for millions of newly bereaved Americans during a pandemic and concurrency of devastation that has resulted in most of us having at least one, and in some cases more, empty chairs at our holiday tables.
If today’s verdict and legislation are a reflection of our values, perhaps we should all be reexamining America’s values, power structures and leaders to determine if they align with the collective experiences of everyday Americans like me and like you.
I am one of those newly bereaved Americans with two empty chairs at our dinner table this year, but I am far from alone. We are a nation in mourning and no one is exempt. With more than 765,000 deaths from COVID-19 alone and multiple mortality epidemics from overdose, suicide, homicide, maternal mortality, mass murder events, and impending disasters from climate change, death, grief, and mourning are raging in every community and touching most hearts in America.
We can no longer afford to be a nation divided or allow our leaders to remain disconnected from our shared life experiences. Let us shed our differences and attend to our common pains because Americanism will be measured and remembered by how we show up for one another during these paralyzing and suffocating moments. We must allow our collective grief to alter this state of chaos and begin to sew our common bonds of shared humanity toward love and brotherhood.
We must say: You’re not alone. We will not allow the quicksands of grief or injustice to swallow you. I will stand next to you. I will outstretch my hand and hold you tight.
This is our unique moment to harness the power of grief and “make real the promise of democracy.” So that forty years from now, more remarkable advancements in America will become our shared reality.
So, what can you do?
In this delicate moment, here are five suggestions:
1) Go outside your comfort zone and make a new friend.
Seek a person who you know has lost a loved one and with whom your values may not be aligned. Get to know them. Get to know their loved one. Do not allow others to drive your perceptions.
2) Support Black and Brown voices.
As these verdicts emerge, use your voice and use your hand to help and hold our fellow Americans to let them know that you stand with them.
3) Hold your federal officials accountable.
Call your U.S. elected officials and ask why paid bereavement leave was stripped from the Build Back Better Act during a global pandemic and multiple mortality crises? Call (202) 224–3121 and ask for your federal official.
4) Show your elected officials who you have lost.
Send a photo of your loved one to your elected officials and let them know that people like you would benefit from advancements in bereavement policies, programs and investments.
5) Tag us on social and let us know who you have lost.
Who will not be at your dinner table this holiday season? We want to know.
