Dec 20, 2022 | Advocacy, Appropriations, Community, Data Collection, Family, Federal Government, Grief, Research
In 2022, our community of supporters has grown by more than 50 percent for the second consecutive year. Our movement consists of people from every corner of America – from truck drivers to professors to homeschoolers and executives. We unite in solidarity to create a more compassionate world for those who will follow us. What do we do with the pain of loss? We create change.
We’ve done that in 2022, and we are on the cusp of much more. This year has been the most consequential yet in the advancement of bereavement policy, and we could not have made it this far without you. As we reflect on 2022 and look towards 2023, there are some bright spots we want to share with you:
- We are winning mindshare among our nation’s most esteemed federal health leaders. In an event hosted by the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), our founder and executive director Joyal Mulheron, had the distinguished opportunity to provide a private briefing to key U.S. Department of Health & Human Services agencies on bereavement policy, research, and statistics. As an emerging social and health concern, it is imperative that government leaders understand the complexity of bereavement policy and its impact as it crafts and prioritizes its response.
- With Evermore’s support, Congress is directing the federal government to establish credentialing standards for grief therapists. Supporting bereaved people requires specialized training, which is not currently required for mental health practitioners. We are thrilled that Congress has directed federal health leaders to create universal eligibility standards to bring consistent and quality care to all grieving people.
- For the first time, Congress is encouraging CDC to collect bereavement data because of Evermore’s advocacy. Adding bereavement exposure to CDC data collection provides key demographic data and trends by race, geography, chronic disease risk factors, identity, and age, for example. A recurring data set of this magnitude will facilitate a better understanding of the scope of the problems connected to bereavement, and it will inform future policymaking and program priorities and investments.
- With Evermore’s support, Congress is directing federal health leaders to write the nation’s first report on grief and bereavement. COVID-19 and the nation’s concurrent mortality epidemics have impacted millions of Americans, yet grief and bereavement are not prioritized in our nation’s health policies, programs, or funding initiatives. This report will provide a holistic evaluation of the scope of the issue, the populations impacted, and the interventions offered to support grieving children and families.
- We are fighting for consumer rights, protections, and price transparency in the funeral industry. In almost every state in the nation, funeral homes are not required to publicly share their prices before a bereaved family walks through their doors, thereby leaving newly bereaved families vulnerable to price gouging and spending on services they don’t need or want. Evermore is preparing comments to submit to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) on why funeral homes should be required to share pricing information publicly. This proposed amendment may substantially protect bereaved families during times of loss and crisis.
- Evermore releases America’s Forgotten Orphans, a free 58-page report, to bring childhood bereavement to the attention of federal lawmakers and agencies. In collaboration with Penn State and the University of Southern California, we identified a 22-year trend in increasing childhood bereavement across every state in the nation and among every racial and ethnic population. Childhood bereavement, and bereavement generally, have been a long-standing public health and social concern hiding in plain sight.
- Evermore releases free fact sheets and tools to calculate childhood bereavement in your own jurisdiction. We’ve developed 51 state fact sheets that help state and local lawmakers assess and better understand childhood bereavement in their jurisdictions. In addition, we’ve provided tools allowing local champions to calculate the prevalence of childhood bereavement in their school or Congressional districts.
- We are bringing the nation’s experts in grief and bereavement to you. This year we launched In the Know, a monthly video series featuring some of the nation’s experts in grief and bereavement, including luminaries like Megan Devine, one of our nation’s most respected grief leaders, and Dr. Toni Miles, who helped pioneer bereavement epidemiology.
- Evermore’s national grief directory continues to be a top resource for grieving children and families. Our comprehensive grief directory features more than 300 nonprofit resources across every state in the nation and continues to grow.
- Our weekly newsletter keeps our community connected, learning, and engaged. This year we launched a weekly newsletter to provide insights on bereavement science, policy, and community action. Our readership continues to grow as our stories and information aim to transform our nation’s systems toward supporting the lives of bereaved children and families.
We are not sitting on the sidelines and hoping change will come. We are actively working to advance these critical developments with respect and credibility each day. As we close out 2022, we want to thank you for making our work possible. Unlike other health and social concerns, bereavement policy and law are not funding priorities for any philanthropist or foundation we can find. Instead, people like you solely fund our movement.
We will continue our work building a healthy, prosperous, and equitable future for all bereaved people in 2023. If you would like to support our work in the coming year, you can make a donation here.
We wish you and yours a warm, healthy, and restorative 2023!
Dec 12, 2022 | Community, Family, Grief
This list was developed in collaboration with Dr. Donna Gaffney, an expert in children’s grief.
A tragic event is difficult to comprehend for even the most mature, knowledgeable adult. For children and adolescents faced with trying to understand such an overwhelming experience, the task is even more daunting. How can a young person grasp the enormity, meaning, and consequences of an occurrence that brought death, injury, or harm into his life? These are the times, as parents and teachers, when words fail us. Sometimes we are consumed with our own emotions and other times, we cannot seem to begin these important conversations. But literature can give us a starting point. Because stories are a form of medicine. They offer catharsis, they hold a mirror so we can better see our own experiences, and they invite us to question, demand answers, get angry, feel sad, and somehow learn to cope and grow and move forward in our experience. Because books can be such a powerful balm during a time of grief, here’s our list of favorite books for kids and teens that explore the difficult experiences of death, grief, loss, and bereavement.
The Dead Bird by Margaret Wise Brown (Harper-Collins, 2016)
Ages 4 and up
Finding a still warm but dead bird, a group of children give it a fitting burial and every day, until they forget, come again to the woods to sing to the dead bird and place fresh flowers on its grave. An excellent book handling the subject of death in which all young children have a natural interest.
The Heart and The Bottle by Oliver Jeffers (Philomel Books, 2010)
Ages 4 and up
There is a wonder and magic to childhood. We don’t realize it at the time, of course… yet the adults in our lives do. They encourage us to see things in the stars and to find joy in colors and laughter as we play. But what happens when that special someone who encourages such wonder and magic is no longer around? We can hide, we can place our heart in a bottle and grow up… or we can find another special someone who understands the magic. And we can encourage them to see things in the stars and find joy among colors and laughter. This remarkable book is a touching and resonant tale that will speak to the hearts of children and parents alike.
Listen by Holly McGhee (Roaring Book Press, 2019)
Ages 4-7
Experience the power of listening to your heart, paying attention, love, and empathy in Listen, a simple and tender picture book by Holly M. McGhee and Pascal Lemaitre, the creators of the New York Times bestseller Come With Me. The buoyant verses and gentle art show young readers how to connect with the whole world. From exploring sensorial surroundings ― what you see, breathe, hear, taste, and feel ― to becoming aware of our shared experiences.
A Shelter for Sadness by Anne Booth (Peachtree Press, 2021)
Ages 5 and up
A small boy creates a shelter for his sadness so that he can visit it whenever he needs to, and the two of them can cry, talk, or just sit. The boy knows that one day his sadness may come out of the shelter, and together they will look out at the world and see how beautiful it is. In this timely consideration of sadness and mental health, Anne Booth offers a beautiful depiction of how children (and everyone else) must care for their emotions and give attention to their grief on a regular basis.
Sweet Sweet Memory by Jacqueline Woodson and Floyd Cooper (Jump at the Sun, 2007)
Grades K-3
Now that Grandpa’s gone, Sarah tries to remember what he used to say about the garden. Like us, he would tell her, a part of it never dies. Everything and everyone goes on and on. But Sarah feels very sad, even though Grandma and all the relatives are with her, sharing stories and hugs. How can life go on without Grandpa? As summer slips into fall, Grandma and Sarah share a rich garden harvest and their sweet, sweet memories of Grandpa. The stories and memories of loved ones, Sarah learns, are what keeps everything and everyone going on and on. This spare and beautiful picture book balances sadness and mourning with the comforting notion of the continuity of all life.
The Scar by Charlotte Moundic (Candlewick Press, 2011)
Grades K-4
When the boy in this story wakes up to find that his mother has died, he is overwhelmed with sadness, anger, and fear that he will forget her. He shuts all the windows to keep in his mother’s familiar smell and scratches open the cut on his knee to remember her comforting voice. He doesn’t know how to speak to his dad anymore, and when Grandma visits and throws open the windows, it’s more than the boy can take — until his grandmother shows him another way to feel that his mom’s love is near. With tenderness, touches of humor, and unflinching emotional truth, The Scar captures the loneliness of grief through the eyes of a child, rendered with sympathy and charm.
Currently out of print but available in libraries or through sellers like Thiftbooks.com and AbeBooks.
The Color of Absence: 12 Stories About Loss and Hope edited by James Howe (Simon & Schuster)
Grades 6-10
“In adolescence, we feel our losses as if for the first time, with a greater depth of pain and drama than we are aware of having experienced ever before,” writes James Howe in his introduction to this collection of short stories which celebrated fiction authors for young adults explore the many faces of loss — the common thread they share and the hope that is borne through change. Featuring stories by Naomi Shihab Nye, Jacqueline Woodson, Chris Lynch, Walter Dean Myers, Annette Curtis Klause, Norma Fox Mazer, and others.
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson (Harper Festival, 2006)
Ages 9 and up
This Newbery Medal-winning novel revolves around two friends. Jess Aarons is eager to start fifth grade and wants to become the fastest runner at school. All seems to be on track, until the new girl in class, Leslie Burke, leaves all the boys in the dust, including Jess. But the two become fast friends and spend most of their days in the woods behind Leslie’s house, where they invent an enchanted land called Terabithia. One morning, Leslie goes to Terabithia without Jess and a tragedy occurs. It will take the love of his family and the strength that Leslie has given him for Jess to be able to deal with his grief. Author Katherine Paterson wrote the book for her son, who lost a friend in a tragic accident at the age of 8.
Ab(solutely) Normal: Short Stories That Smash Mental Health Stereotypes edited by Nora Shalaway Carpenter & Rocky Callen (Penguin Randomhouse, April 2023)
Teen & Young Adults
In this inspiring, unflinching, and hope-filled mixed-genre collection, sixteen diverse and notable authors draw on their own lived experiences with mental health conditions to create works of fiction that will uplift and empower you, break your heart and stitch it back together stronger than before. Through powerful prose, verse, and graphics, the characters in this anthology defy stereotypes and remind readers that living with a mental health condition doesn’t mean that you’re defined by it. Each story is followed by a note from its author to the reader, and comprehensive back matter includes bios for the contributors as well as a collection of relevant resources. A discussion guide for parents, young people, and teachers will be available.
Oct 31, 2022 | Data Collection, Family, Grief, Parent, Research
Earlier this month, Evermore hosted a conversation with Dr. Emily Smith-Greenaway, a grief and bereavement researcher in California and associate professor of sociology and spatial sciences at the University of Southern California, to discuss her research on bereaved people and her work on the COVID-19 bereavement multiplier.
The bereavement multiplier is a tool used to track how many people have been directly impacted by a COVID-19 death. According to research findings from Dr. Smith-Greenaway, on average, for every death due to COVID-19, approximately nine people have been or will be bereaved. With more than 1 million Americans having died of COVID-19 thus far, that leaves approximately more than 9 million people bereft.
“This multiplier [tool] allows us to really track how many bereavement events there have been in the midst of an ongoing mortality crisis,” says Dr. Smith-Greenaway. “This gives us a really different scale of the height of this mortality crisis by emphasizing how many people have been intimately affected by COVID mortality.”
While the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention measures deaths in the United States, it doesn’t measure how many people are impacted by those deaths. Dr. Smith-Greenaway’s multiplier tool therefore offers an important and useful way to begin to understand the scale and impact of bereavement in this country.
“We can absolutely extend this approach to other causes of death,” says Smith-Greenaway. “What I think is so useful about that is that I expect there will be inversions sometimes – how some less common causes of death may still have an outsized effect in terms of bereavement. It’s a tool we can absolutely use to really get a sense of the lingering effects of certain mortality crises the U.S. is facing beyond COVID.”
Dr. Smith-Greenaway’s research also examines the ways in which social inequality intersects with mortality and how those disparities affect the experience of survivors, at an international scale.
“Inequality and mortality conditions also mean inequality in access to kin and social support and this really unequal burden of bereavement that we see playing out across the globe,” says Dr. Smith-Greenaway.
Dr. Smith-Greenaway’s work found that younger people are disproportionately impacted by COVID-19 deaths.
“Really early in the pandemic, the narrative was that this mortality shock was disproportionately affecting older adults,” says Smith-Greenaway. “We see actually it’s younger people who are bearing the brunt of these losses because they’re disproportionately losing grandparents and parents.”
https:///youtu.be/tmUx2tj6TcA
In a study that followed a group of young children from birth through adolescence, Dr. Smith-Greenaway found that the death of a maternal grandparent played a significant role in the academic success of young boys. Data showed that boys who lost a grandparent earlier on in life – between the ages of five and nine – are significantly more vulnerable to lowered cognitive skills for reading comprehension and verbal and math ability.
“This is really striking because developing these skills on time is really important for youths’ subsequent academic skills and their subsequent behavioral outcomes and academic outcomes,” says Dr. Smith-Greenaway. “Interestingly, we’re not finding anything in terms of young girls.”
Dr. Smith-Greenaway surmises this disparity is a product of the way we typically socialize boys into muting their grief. This type of socialization could be the direct cause as to why research points to these disadvantages in academic skills.
According to Dr. Smith-Greenaway, it’s the impact of bereavement on boys from historically marginalized communities that are really driving the effects seen in the data. Non-Hispanic Black boys and Hispanic boys showed significant impacts to their verbal, math, and reading abilities after experiencing the death of a grandparent between the ages of five and nine.
Dr. Smith-Greenaway’s work also found that Black and Hispanic boys suffered from more severe depressive systems when compared to their white peers after the death of a grandparent.
“There’s also work emphasizing how racial minority boys, in particular, tend to have this ‘suffocated grief,’” says Dr. Smith-Greenaway. “Their grief is viewed as just bad behavior, or acting out, rather than acknowledging that it’s just their very normal reaction to a loss.”
In a global study on the deaths of children under five, Dr. Smith-Greenaway discovered some monumental disparities, not only in child loss, but also in the impact of those losses on mothers. This study found that 30 to 40 percent of sub-Saharan African mothers between the ages of 20 and 44, have experienced the loss of a child – a number that increases to 50 to 60 percent for women ages 45 to 49.
Dr. Smith-Greenaway’s work highlighted striking inequalities in child loss between women in African countries compared to women in other countries. For this research, Smith-Greenaway looked at demographic and health survey data spanning more than 20 years for mothers of multiple age groups in 20 sub-Saharan African countries.
While many initiatives have focused on the disparities in infant mortality between white and African communities, the disparity is even greater when looking at mortality in children.
“In some sub-Saharan African countries, it’s more common to have witnessed a child die than it is to have witnessed all of your children survive beyond the age of five,” says Smith-Greenaway. “This work is trying to attend to the fact that losing a child is this underappreciated dimension of global health inequality that manifests in womens’ lives.”
Dr. Smith-Greenaway’s work also uncovered yet another trend associated with child mortality – intimate partner violence (IPV). In a 2020 study, Dr. Smith-Greenaway concluded that child loss corresponds with a higher risk of intimate partner violence in a number of sub-Saharan African countries. The increase was found, somewhat surprisingly, not in communities where child death was more common, but in communities where it was both less likely and where there was greater parity in education between genders.
Although there is nothing in the data to explain why this increase in IPV exists, Dr. Smith-Greenaway suspects it could be a result of maternal blame for the death of the child.
“It suggests that maybe where child loss isn’t as expected, there’s less of a support system in place for when you do lose a child because it’s just a less common experience in the community,” says Smith Greenaway. “We do see that that comes with an outsized risk of IPV.”
Here in the US, in 2020, the most recent year data is available, the CDC recorded more than 3.4 million deaths in the United States, the most on record. That leaves more than 30 million people in the U.S. recently bereaved, yet the death of a loved one and its implications most often remain invisible.
Thanks to research like Dr. Smith-Greenaway’s, which you can learn more about here, Americans can begin to understand the global breadth of bereavement, and we can establish an increased awareness of these issues so that families may find support when they need it more than ever.
This is why, at Evermore, we work every day to raise awareness and develop our nation’s bereavement care systems. Our work centers around evidence-driven advocacy for the bereaved children and families because no one should be left to bare knuckle their way through the aftermath alone. With millions impacted domestically and around the globe, we can – and should – do more to help our friends, families, and communities.
Oct 24, 2022 | Community, Family, Grief, Parent
Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month – which aims to bring more acknowledgement and recognition to the grief, stress, and hardship parents experience after a miscarriage or the death of a newborn baby – we decided to share three stories of loss to contextualize this unique, and challenging maternal experience.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately 20,000 infants died in the U.S. in 2020 before their first birthday – that’s approximately 542 deaths for every 100,000 live births. Another 24,000 babies are stillborn in the U.S. each year. When taken collectively, the annual incidence of stillbirth and infant deaths is approximately equivalent to the number of deaths by suicide. Not to mention that as many as half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.
“It is an underappreciated and often unrecognized type of loss, particularly for mothers,” says Evermore founder Joyal Mulheron. “Like other forms of loss, miscarriage or the loss of an infant can often create compounding hardship and accumulating stress for the parents. However, over recent years, these losses are receiving increasing attention.”
Hollywood has produced at least two notable films on pregnancy loss. “Roma,” which swept the awards circuit, and “Pieces of a Woman,” which earned Vanessa Kirby a nomination for best actress from the Academy Awards. Both films contribute to the growing recognition that these losses are deserving of social and legal support.
We sat down with both Vanessa Kirby and Academy Award-winning actress Ellen Burstyn, who both starred in the 2020 film, “Pieces of a Woman.” The film follows Martha, a young mother whose life changes irrevocably when her home birth ends in an unimaginable tragedy — her baby is stillborn. Played by Kirby, Martha is forced to navigate difficult relationships with loved ones — and her own emotional journey — as she learns to live with the grief of losing her baby.
https:///youtu.be/fq9qnZXzI0c
“Whatever Martha’s feeling is unknowable to everybody else, and as much as she needs and wants to reach out to other people, I think it’s so colossal that she doesn’t know how,” says Kirby. “I think that’s the frustration that people around her feel, that they can’t get in touch with where she’s gone. Because I think even she doesn’t know.”
As seen in the film, a miscarriage or stillbirth can be a very personal experience — one that can be hard to communicate to anyone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. Although this grieving journey is unique for every mother, there’s often a feeling of isolation for mothers who experience the death of their babies.
“Even though this is a deeply painful movie, we kind of hoped that it would make people feel less alone with the magnitude and the solitary nature of deeply grieving someone,” says Kirby. “The nature of it is having to go through it alone, having to navigate through time, space, and reality, when your reality is completely different and has been shattered. You have to pick up the pieces and try and reform them.”
“Pieces of a Woman” breathes new life into this complicated issue and exposes viewers to an authentic account of the internal and external experiences that mothers must face after losing a baby.
In addition to the emotional toll of such losses, losing a pregnancy or infant is often physically taxing for women, who may experience pain and discomfort from pregnancy loss, or the toll of labor and delivery, only to be followed by the grief of losing a child whose arrival had been joyously anticipated.
Gina Mathias, who lives in Maryland, couldn’t escape the feeling of guilt after her experience with stillbirth. She felt personally responsible for the death of her son — after all, she’d been carrying him and felt she should have been able to feel if there had been complications with her pregnancy.
https:///youtu.be/kq5-8QjhNVY
“Ultimately, I was the only person responsible for Forrest’s life,” says Mathias. “At the end of the day, I was his mother and I was supposed to protect him.”
Miscarriages and stillbirths are often unexpected and unexplained, which can leave mothers and their families with an ambiguous loss to grieve, and with few answers for why the loss occurred.
“It’s really hard living with not knowing why your child died,” says Mathias. “If there was something that you did wrong, if there was something you could have done to prevent it.”
To further complicate the experience, many medical providers are not trained or equipped to aid mothers and their families with the nuanced, emotional challenges of miscarriage, stillborn death, and the death of an infant.
After Mathias’ stillbirth, she was brought to the maternity ward with other birthing mothers. “All around us we could hear other women giving birth and their crying babies,” says Mathias. “And that was just too much.”
Recent data from the CDC show that the U.S. infant mortality rate has continued to disproportionately impact Black women and their families. In 2020, the infant mortality rate for Black babies was nearly 11 deaths for every 1,000 live births, which is double the rate for White babies.
Although it happened more than 30 years ago, the stress and pain of losing two children is still a fresh wound for Jackie Williams, a Black woman and bereavement doula who lives in Maryland.
https:///youtu.be/hQMKizr5LhA
“It’s like a wound that you’ve put a little dirt over, but if a strong wind blows, it’ll blow the dirt away and that wound is resurfaced,” says Williams. “On the dark days, I felt really alone and I felt as though, with [my daughter] Carolyn, I blamed myself for her death for years and years.”
Williams was 20 years old when she lost Carolyn only about five months after her birth. This experience was devastating for a young mother with little access to resources, and Jackie says she became so consumed with the death of her daughter that she began to contemplate taking her own life.
“At that point, that was my lowest,” says Williams. “I wondered — if I take enough pills, I could just die without any pain. Because I wanted to die, but I didn’t want to hurt.”
Williams struggled for years with the grief and pain of losing her daughter until she made the decision to seek out a therapist. The pure act of being able to talk with someone about her experience provided her with the support she needed to begin her healing journey.
Although therapy helped change the trajectory of Williams’s life, there is still much more that can be done to improve the support and care for women who are grieving the loss of a child.
“The deep bonds of motherhood do not simply stop when your child dies,” says Mulheron. “It’s not uncommon for mothers to want to continue parenting their child in death too. This is why we are working to expand legislation and develop other tools to support mothers and families in the aftermath of loss. The nation is woefully behind and there is a lot more work to do.”
Oct 17, 2022 | Community, Family, Grief, Parent
Jena Kirkpatrick with her son, Ellis McClane.
Jena Kirkpatrick was hesitant to visit a medium after experiencing the death of her 19-year-old son, Ellis McClane, who died in a car accident in 2011. But five years after her loss, Jena decided to take a chance and scheduled an appointment.
“That’s something everyone wants for the people who have passed — to talk to them again,” says Kirkpatrick, who also works at Evermore coordinating communications and outreach.
However, Jena felt uncomfortable during her reading. She was keen to the medium’s overly zealous attempts to know her son, and she struggled to make connections between the medium’s messages and her personal experiences. At one point, the medium told her Ellis had become frustrated because she wasn’t catching the references in the messages he was sharing.
“It hurt my feelings,” says Kirkpatrick. “I let myself be vulnerable in the situation, and then I felt a little pissed off that the medium hurt my feelings because I didn’t understand his message. … I just wanted to hear that my kid loves me and he’s okay.”
Psychic mediums claim they can receive messages from the spirits of people who’ve passed on and can act as channels between those who have died and their surviving loved ones. This is why psychic mediums can be an attractive choice to aid in the grieving process. However, every psychic reading is a unique experience — some leave grieving loved ones in more pain and distress, while others provide a deep sense of spiritual connection.
For her part, Kirkpatrick was undeterred by her disappointing experience and decided to reach out to another medium, this time a friend who was beginning to share her clairvoyant gifts with others. To Kirkpatrick’s utter delight, this reading experience was much different.
“We did a couple of readings, and they were phenomenal,” says Jena. “It was much more positive. I felt like she was a lot more kind and empathetic and really took [the reading] in this beautiful and spiritual way.”
It was in this reading Jena finally received the message she had been yearning for — her son is always with her. Jena already had a strong sense that she was receiving messages from Ellis — she sees him in her dreams and often encounters butterflies while in nature — but now she had more reason to believe she really was hearing from her son regularly, in various ways.
“He said, ‘I can always be with you because I’m everywhere, Mom,’” says Jena. “I am always watching out for you, and when you hear me talking to you, it truly is what I’m saying.”
The permanency of losing a loved one can be one of the most perplexing parts of coping with death. It can be unfathomable to accept that you will never speak with your loved one again. This may be one reason why so many people choose to work with mediums after experiencing the death of a loved one, as suggested by research.
A 2012 study found that grieving parents reported finding support groups and psychics as the most helpful coping methods in their grief. The same study also found that about 30 percent of grieving parents received a reading from a psychic within the first four years of their child’s death.
Furthermore, a 2014 study revealed that grieving people experienced less intense grief after a psychic reading when compared to a visit with a mental health professional.
The Szewcyzk family.
Barbara and Walt Szewcyzk visited multiple psychic mediums for readings following the death of their son, Alex Szewcyzk. Alex died by suicide five years ago in their home after years of struggling with his mental health and alcohol use.
Almost immediately after his death, Barbara began to feel as though Alex was still communicating with the family. As they gathered around the kitchen table to discuss funeral arrangements along with Walt’s sister, Barbara suddenly got the feeling that Alex was not a fan of the lavish service they were putting together. Moments later, Walt’s sister’s phone began randomly playing the popular ballad, “Hello” by Adele, even after being turned off.
Barbara took this as a sign from Alex, and soon after, she decided to see a psychic medium.
“I got there, and she started talking about Alex,” says Barbara. “She described his death, and she wouldn’t have known, she couldn’t have known. She gave me a lot of insight and I left there [feeling] pretty comforted.”
Barbara was able to find the confirmation she had been looking for — that Alex was always around her, watching over her.
As she watched her husband struggle with the death of their son, and in an attempt to aid her family through their grieving process, Barbara encouraged Walt to speak with the same medium that provided her initial reading. Walt told Barbara he would trust her, and she booked him an appointment.
“He said to me, ‘I just wish Alex had given me a letter. I just wish he had explained to me what was going on,’” Barbara says of a conversation she had with her husband shortly before his visit with the medium.
Much like Jena Kirkpatrick, Walt had his reservations. His religious upbringing and scientific training made him question the legitimacy of psychic readings. He also worried about the medium’s credibility and authenticity. But after finding himself lost after the death of his son, Walt decided to be open to the possibilities.
During his reading, the medium presented Walt with a letter written with words she channeled from Alex — the letter Walt had always wished he had received from his son after his passing.
“The experience with the medium blew my mind,” says Walt. “I felt wonderful after I left [the appointment]. It reinforced that something is here, and that led me to an organization called DOPS.”
DOPS, or the Division of Perceptual Studies at the University of Virginia, is a “university-based research group devoted to the investigation of phenomena that challenge mainstream scientific paradigms regarding the nature of human consciousness,” according to their website. The research team at DOPS seeks to explore human experiences that may provide evidence that consciousness does survive a bodily death.
“When you tie that in — science with real life experience — you really find that there is something there,” says Walt. “Life does exist and there is a realm around us that we can’t see because of our physical limitations.”
To others curious about whether they should see a medium to connect with a loved one who’s passed on, Walt suggests really looking into the messages that the medium provides, not forcing yourself to make connections where they don’t exist, and being open to a new reality that may call into question your current convictions.
“These mediums — the genuine ones that can bridge that gap — can provide not just healing for those who are grieving, but a renewal of an individual’s consciousness and help them grow,” says Walt. “My grief has been transformed into an energy that drives me to be a better human being. One that I think is truly rooted in the message of Christ.”
Yanie Brewer is a psychic who visits with hundreds of people like Walt and Barbara as part of her work. She says she’s been able to see and hear the spiritual world since birth. At the age of three, Yanie was nearly legally blind. As a result, she could see more of the spiritual world than her own earthly reality. As she got older, it seemed only natural that she uses her intuitive gifts to help others.
“It’s very healing because, on the other side, people only tell the truth,” says Brewer. “It can be very healing for people to understand that their loved ones still have life on the other side.”
Yanie advises people not to let one “bad reading” ruin the opportunity to connect with a loved one. Andrew Witt, who also works as a psychic agrees, and recommends that people seek out multiple readers to find someone they can connect with.
Witt also stated that the quality of a reading can largely depend on the beliefs, expectations, and openness of those seeking answers. He added that it’s also important to work with the medium during the reading to get confirmation that the connection is happening with the spirit of the intended person.
“Nothing that comes from spirits is judgmental,” says Witt. “[The messages] are always very respectful and always very empowering. If [the reading] doesn’t meet those criteria, then that’s something that’s not the real deal.”
Working with a medium after the death of a loved one is a personal choice — one that should only be made when it feels right for you, and if you feel ready to try the experience. If you know friends who’ve worked with mediums, you might first ask them to refer you to someone they’ve had a positive experience with.
Before scheduling an appointment, check out the medium’s website or social media presence to explore whether you feel connected to the person. When you identify a medium that feels like a good match, go in with an open mind and heart.
Oct 4, 2022 | Advocacy, Data Collection, Family, FMLA, Research
As many as half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Even though 87 percent of women have experienced a miscarriage while employed, an alarming number of women aren’t aware that the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) allows for time off from work after a miscarriage and stillbirth.
These were the findings from a survey conducted by InHerSight in partnership with Evermore. InHerSight uses data to help women find employers and companies that support women’s goals and needs. This survey, conducted earlier this year, included 1,300 women, with the goal of assessing their awareness of their right to time off work under FMLA after experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth.
Survey results were striking, with 77 percent of respondents indicating they were unaware they had access to this protection. Sixty-six percent of these women reported that they hadn’t been informed by their employer of their legal rights regarding leave under FMLA, which guarantees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave if the employee is unable to work because of his or her own “serious health condition.”
While miscarriage and stillbirth are not specifically included in the definition of “serious health condition” in FMLA, Department of Labor statements and other legislative documents indicate miscarriage is covered by the policy. A woman whose pregnancy ends in miscarriage should be able to use FMLA leave if she’s unable to work due to physical recovery or emotional distress.
Even so, 91 percent of women who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth while employed reported taking no days off work to recover. Ninety-eight percent of the women surveyed reported not filing for leave under FMLA after experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth. [Read more about InHerSight’s findings here.]
“Knowing federal leave benefits should not be the responsibility of a newly grieving woman or family. Employers have a tremendous opportunity to provide a supportive workplace environment by ensuring that women are aware of their rights.”
As Evermore seeks to learn more about the realities of bereavement in the United States, and the impact of those realities, partners like InHerSight play a crucial role in gathering data and identifying areas in need of policy change and community support. Evermore partnered with InHerSight for this survey because of the company’s dedication to women employees and their benefits and well-being in the workplace.
“Partners like InHerSight are critical in facilitating transformational social policy,” Mulheron says. “Bereavement is ubiquitous. Understanding the impact, collecting data on the family’s perspective, and then shining a spotlight on those experiences requires leadership. We are grateful to InHerSight and others who are advancing bereavement care in America.”
The findings from this survey indicate how important it is for workplaces to provide effective education and communication that cultivates a supportive environment for employees experiencing bereavement. At Evermore, we believe it is crucial that employers take greater initiative to inform their employees of the benefits and protections available to them.
Benefits should be communicated through employee handbooks, during onboarding and orientation trainings, and throughout the duration of a worker’s employment. When the time comes for employees to exercise their benefits, employers should be prepared to guide them through the process and direct them to human resources (HR) for further assistance.
Employers must also work hard to create a culture in which people can bring personal and emotionally challenging issues to their directors, managers, and HR personnel. To further support an inclusive workplace culture, Evermore also recommends that employers institute five days of paid bereavement leave for all employees.
“According to the Department of Labor, only 56 percent of America’s workforce qualifies for FMLA benefits,” Mulheron says. “That leaves millions of women working in the gig economy, in small employers, or as solopreneurs who have no benefit at all.”
In 2021, Senator Tammy Duckworth (D-IL) and Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley (D-MA) introduced legislation that aims to raise awareness about pregnancy loss and provide paid leave benefits for workers experiencing the pain of a miscarriage or stillbirth. The Support Through Loss Act supports bereaved workers by increasing access to workplace supports and access to resources and adequate care.
“Pregnancy loss should be met with care, compassion, and support. It is a common experience, but many struggle in silence due to the lack of awareness and cultural stigma,” says Pressley in a press release detailing the legislation. “Our bill sends a message to families that they are not alone.”
It is also imperative that employees know how to advocate for themselves in order to access the benefits available to them. If you are unaware of the benefits at your workplace, ask your manager or an HR representative to guide you through company policy. Evermore encourages readers to communicate their knowledge with coworkers, improve awareness in the workplace, and work together to create a workplace where benefits are a continuous topic of conversation.
