Earlier this month, Evermore hosted a conversation with Toni Miles, M.D., Ph.D., a grief and bereavement researcher in Georgia and Morehouse School of Medicine adjunct professor, to discuss the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS) — a health-related survey of adults that measures certain behaviors, such as seatbelt use, smoking, and substance use. [Watch the full conversation here.]
While the BRFSS asks a number of questions about physical and mental health, one thing it doesn’t measure is adult experiences with the death of loved ones and family members. “We count dead people, but we do not count the people who are left behind,” says Miles. “We can’t see bereavement because we don’t count it.”
In a quest to discover the population health effects of death in her home state, Miles conducted a field study in 2019 that piloted three bereavement exposure questions in Georgia’s BRFSS.
As part of her study, Miles asked participants if: 1) they had experienced a death event in the past two years, 2) how many deaths they had experienced, and 3) their relationship to the individual who was lost. The data she collected was striking. [/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https:///www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRi8AUTzTyo”][vc_column_text]Miles’ work found that, pre-COVID, 45 percent of Georgia adults surveyed had experienced death in the previous two years — with 400,000 people experiencing two or more deaths in that time period. Extrapolating these findings to the overall state population, Miles estimates that 3.7 million adults, out of Georgia’s 8.1 million residents, were recently bereaved.
The survey also revealed a disproportionate burden on African Americans in Georgia, with 58 percent of respondents reporting the death of a loved one.
The survivors of these death events are, themselves, at risk for poor physical health outcomes, premature death, and other adverse consequences that can alter their life course. Miles’ work found that Georgia adults experiencing a family death were at a higher risk of mental health problems, an undermined capacity to work, and binge drinking.
Distinguished researcher and bereavement expert Dr. Toni Miles
“We always talk anecdotally about how bereavement makes people sick — so and so died of a broken heart — but you don’t have the data to make that connection,” says Miles. “BRFSS allows us to make that connection.”
Evermore hopes that more states will add these three bereavement exposure questions to their BRFSS population research because collecting data on bereaved residents could help Americans understand the associated impacts of bereavement and inform and bolster policy on bereavement care.
This is why it is crucial for Americans to voice their position on this issue. Anyone can contact the BRFSS coordinator in their state to advocate for the inclusion of these three questions in future iterations of their state’s survey. If more states begin to adopt and ask these questions, the CDC is more likely to implement them nationwide.
We encourage readers to identify their local coordinator, call them, and explain why these questions are crucial to bereavement care. This is a universal issue — one that disproportionately impacts communities of color — and now is the time for action.
Close the Loophole! – Universal Paid Leave Should Include Bereavement Leave
Due Monday, August 15th!
Earlier this year, you made phone calls, sent emails, called your friend in order to add paid bereavement leave to our nation’s policy conversations. You did it and it was the first time Washington included paid bereavement leave to its paid leave agenda, an amazing accomplishment.
In classic Washington fashion, however, Congress passed a law that provides two weeks of paid leave for the death of a child, but only if you are a federal employee. While it’s a step forward, we believe that all employees deserve the confidence to know that they will not be fired in the aftermath of losing someone they love.
So, what now?
Today, the average American can be fired for not showing up to work the day after their child – or spouse, or domestic partner, or a parent, or a sibling – dies. And, it’s perfectly legal.
We must close this loophole as millions of Americans are grieving the deaths of loved ones. With concurrent mortality epidemics raging across the United States, we must act now to ensure everyday Americans, like me and like you, have the ability to take paid leave following a loss.
For the next two weeks, Congress is accepting stories from parents who have experienced challenges due to the lack of “universal paid leave.”
They need to hear from you NOW!
Here’s how:
You can submit one of the following:
Short video (30 – 90 seconds);mp4 format; filmed horizontally if possible OR
Grief is a powerful dual-edged emotion that can result in a dull, undulating pain which can be paralyzing and suffocating or, if channeled appropriately, can swell into rage and anger that moves each of us — or societies — to do things that once seemed impossible. Such collective grief, outrage and injustice sparked the “fierce urgency of Now” movement against gradualism decades ago and, I believe, resulted in the election of President Barack Obama, our nation’s first Black president more than forty years later.
Today, we are inanother unique, but tenuous moment that has the potential to move our nation toward unity as the verdict from the deaths of Messrs. Joseph Rosenbaum and Anthony Huber was announced, and another verdict for the death of Mr. Ahmaud Arbery hangs in the balance. How we respond in this moment — to our neighbors, in our communities and to our fellow Americans — can make all the difference in a united future. Indeed, future generations and our children will reflect on this moment and judge how we responded to these tragedies and to our fellow Americans.
However, it is not incumbent on us alone to repair this nation. Our nation’s leadership must respond to these crises with the same “fierce urgency of Now” that was required many years ago. Today, the Build Back Better Act passed the U.S. House of Representatives, our nation’s leaders beamed as they touted the “honor of passing legislation for the people.” But these are the very same leaders who stripped job and wage protections for millions of newly bereaved Americans during a pandemic and concurrency of devastation that has resulted in most of us having at least one, and in some cases more, empty chairs at our holiday tables.
If today’s verdict and legislation are a reflection of our values, perhaps we should all be reexamining America’s values, power structures and leaders to determine if they align with the collective experiences of everyday Americans like me and like you.
I am one of those newly bereaved Americans with two empty chairs at our dinner table this year, but I am far from alone. We are a nation in mourning and no one is exempt. With more than 765,000 deaths from COVID-19 alone and multiple mortality epidemics from overdose, suicide, homicide, maternal mortality, mass murder events, and impending disasters from climate change, death, grief, and mourning are raging in every community and touching most hearts in America.
We can no longer afford to be a nation divided or allow our leaders to remain disconnected from our shared life experiences. Let us shed our differences and attend to our common pains because Americanism will be measured and remembered by how we show up for one another during these paralyzing and suffocating moments. We must allow our collective grief to alter this state of chaos and begin to sew our common bonds of shared humanity toward love and brotherhood.
We must say: You’re not alone. We will not allow the quicksands of grief or injustice to swallow you. I will stand next to you. I will outstretch my hand and hold you tight.
This is our unique moment to harness the power of grief and “make real the promise of democracy.” So that forty years from now, more remarkable advancements in America will become our shared reality.
So, what can you do?
In this delicate moment, here are five suggestions:
1) Go outside your comfort zone and make a new friend.
Seek a person who you know has lost a loved one and with whom your values may not be aligned. Get to know them. Get to know their loved one. Do not allow others to drive your perceptions.
2) Support Black and Brown voices.
As these verdicts emerge, use your voice and use your hand to help and hold our fellow Americans to let them know that you stand with them.
3) Hold your federal officials accountable.
Call your U.S. elected officials and ask why paid bereavement leave was stripped from the Build Back Better Act during a global pandemic and multiple mortality crises? Call (202) 224–3121 and ask for your federal official.
4) Show your elected officials who you have lost.
Send a photo of your loved one to your elected officials and let them know that people like you would benefit from advancements in bereavement policies, programs and investments.
5) Tag us on social and let us know who you have lost.
Who will not be at your dinner table this holiday season? We want to know.
For 25 years, visual artist Suzanne Brennan Firstenberg has comforted families in mourning as a hospice volunteer. And with each new family she’s consoled came lessons about the scope of grief, its impact, and the lack of spaces for people to express their deep sorrow.
Firstenberg brings those experiences to her latest work — a sprawling public art exhibition that honors the 684,400 people and counting who have died from COVID-19 in the United States. “In America: Remember” opened on Sept. 17 and runs through Oct. 3 on the National Mall in Washington, DC.
The display features lines of white flags, evocative of the white headstones in Arlington National Cemetery. Each flag represents an individual who has died from COVID during the pandemic. Visitors are encouraged to dedicate flags to friends and family who died from the illness. People who can’t visit Washington, DC., can share details about their loved one online through InAmericaFlags.org, and volunteers will inscribe the flag and plant it in the exhibit.
Since its opening, Firstenberg has seen middle-aged men break down for the first time. One woman told her she finally realized, after seeing the exhibit, that she wasn’t alone in her grief. And those reactions point to a bigger problem, Firstenberg said in an interview with Evermore.
“We need to stop and realize that America is hurting badly,” she said. “We have to stop and find a way to heal America. And we have to find a way to learn how to deal with death and loss in our community.”
Amazing acts of caring’
For Firstenberg, it all started last year with outrage after some were discounting the deaths of older adults and people of color, who face higher rates of serious health impacts and death from COVID. In fall 2020, as the total number of COVID deaths climbed into the 200,000s, she opened a similar exhibit, called “In America: How Could This Happen,” outside RFK Stadium in Washington.
Photograph by Philip Metlin
“I realized that the number of people who we had lost in this pandemic had become so large that it became easy to ignore,” she said.
“I had to, as a visual artist, use my art to help people identify the enormity of our loss.
“I knew I wanted to do art that would help people visually translate the cumulative death toll into something physical and something they could experience.”
But outrage hasn’t sustained her; the deep expressions of care and emotion from the people who visited the original exhibit did. She remembers a director from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention who traveled from Georgia to snap a picture of the display and share it with their team. And there was an ER doctor who wrote out the names of a dozen patients he had lost to COVID on flags and pushed them into the ground before he went on to his next shift.
“I began last fall with a great deal of outrage,” she said. “But when I did that art installation, so many people brought their caring and their grief and their respect and love for those they have lost, and I saw such amazing acts of caring.”
Grief on ‘America’s stage’
This time, the exhibit extends beyond DC in two important ways. People who can’t travel to the nation’s capital can share details online about their loved one, who will then be honored with a flag in the exhibit. The placement along the National Mall, Firstenberg said, is another critical difference when considering the pandemic’s reach across the country.
Photograph by Jonathan Thorpe
“This is America’s stage,” she said of the National Mall. “We have brought America’s lost to its most important space.”
Just like the original exhibit, “In America” encourages participation. It’s designed that way, Firstenberg said, because she knows from her work with hospice that action supports the grieving process. Planting flags in the ground for loved ones is a public way for people to express their grief. The action of walking through the immense field of flags is another way to trigger understanding, she said.
As visitors glance down to read the names and stories of COVID’s victims, no longer is the death toll a number, but a representation of individuals — like the 99-year-old man who eschewed a ventilator to save somebody younger, as one flag notes, and the people who loved him.
Photograph by Jonathan Thorpe
“Each individual flag represents concentric circles of grief — the family, friends, the neighbors, the co-workers, the members of their faith community, and those medical workers who fought so hard to save that life,” she said. “They grieve too.”
Finding hope
Until the exhibit closes, each day at noon, Firstenberg will push more flags into the National Mall as the COVID death count ticks higher. But, despite being surrounded by this sprawling representation of death and grief, Firstenberg is hopeful.
“I am hopeful because I see people walking through these flags and looking down at names and that means they care,” she said. “I really do believe that humanity is going to win out. We just have to highlight it, celebrate it and come to expect it. … And I’m hopeful that this will make people realize that we need to have a better relationship with death and dying. We have to incorporate grief into our understanding of daily life.”
Tell Congress To Protect Jobs for Newly Bereaved Families
Imagine how many families have lost a loved one in the past year. Our nation’s collective grief is inescapable and it has impacted all of us.
Today, there are no federal legal protections for newly bereaved families except for narrow exceptions. Congress must act! Workers can lose a loved one and then their job, all in a day’s time. While most employers do whatever they can to be supportive, some do not and none are legally bound to do so. There are employees who lose their jobs on the heels of losing their loved one.
Tell Congress to protect the jobs of the newly bereaved.
Evermore, along with more than 100 organizations, encouraged The White House to include bereavement leave in the American Families Plan. President Biden heard our calls and included bereavement protections for the newly bereaved, for the first time in our nation’s history!
Now, those employment protections are being considered by Congress. To ensure those protections become law, please make two calls today to ask for the passage this important bereavement leave legislation.
For every one call Congress receives, lawmakers believe that it accounts for 100 voters.
Now, imagine…ten people make calls or one hundred or one thousand…We can make this change. We can protect the jobs of the newly bereaved. We can do this together.
We ask that you call the two Congressional lawmakers, U.S. Senator Patty Murray and U.S. Representative Bobby Scott, and tell them to pass bereavement leave protections for workers now.
Right now, due to unique circumstances, we have an opportunity to push for the passage of bereavement leave, an important jobs protection measure.
The White House and other lawmakers are currently considering employment measures to protect families and we want bereavement leave included in these measures.
Evermore has launched a campaign asking President Biden to consider employment protections for the newly bereaved. We call on President Biden to include 10 – 14 days unpaid bereavement leave in his legislative agenda.
Success depends on all of us doing our part. Please contact President Biden today to ask him to include and support bereavement leave now.
